I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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