i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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