I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
