Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
