you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
