Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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