sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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