Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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