____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
