tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
