What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
