I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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