I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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