A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
