i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
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so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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