u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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