even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
