I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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