she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
