a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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