Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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