I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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