TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he thought i was a dude.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
