Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
