My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
