im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
