I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
