i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
