basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
