there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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