i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
