U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
