Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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