I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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