Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
