wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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