the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
