That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
