I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Text me some of your sweat
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
