we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
