Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
...so i touched it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
