i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
