Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
