Sponge bath it is.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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