No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
