Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
