My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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