I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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