And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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