I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it's like iHOP with fire
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
