We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
