Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
