i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.