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i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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