I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...