Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.