every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
