I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm going to jail i love you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny