there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
