My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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