I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
