Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
