I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
