he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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