...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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