i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
