i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
