You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
