Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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