I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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