ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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