I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so let's talk penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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