Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
