i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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