New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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